Living is Hard

Living is HARD
A quote by the late Shacess who leaped into the lake from the "Love Bridge" of UNIMAS and sank himself with some large rocks carried in his backpack last Wednesday. It was really shocking to hear the news. However I found it hard to feel sorry for what he did to himself. Anyway, deepest condolences to his family.

The Love Bridge
He was known as a loner, silent and bright student. I do not know him although I might encountered him around the campus before. I agree that life is hard. I am stressed due to my final year project- I could not obtain satisfying results to my experiment. I always dream that if I wake up one day, I am in a vacation, or not studying anymore or do something else other than doing my degree in Biotechnology and get a free ticket to get out of this kind of life. I am also having dilemma of what I am going to do after graduating, because I think I cannot make a good scientist. Besides, my self-esteem is very low. I used to be mocked by my friends for my skinny figure, slow motion and a brain of a dumb blonde. As I had posted last year, I was betrayed and defamed by a so-called good friend of mine. I was also not really healthy, I had been rushed to ER twice for an unknown sickness two years ago. My life is quite boring. But I am still fighting and struggling to be happy. Not to compare my life with the late Shachess. I am very grateful to have a happy family, faithful boyfriend and wonderful friends.

I read his blog on the day of the tragedy. The last post of his blog (dated 19th February) moved my heart. He had actually planned to commit suicide. He stated that he had been in frustration for a long period of time and he cannot stand anymore as things are getting worse. Another post (I don't remember the date) made me recall my own experience, in which he mentioned about a guy who had revenge on him. He had also wrote that the guy often feel that he is better than him (the deceased). Therefore, he wished him the worst of luck. And there goes "Life is HARD". I came to think that if you wish bad things to someone you hate, things will go the other way round, and you will feel that your righteousness and justice are not defended in the end. Then you will think that everything is not fair and life is really that hard. I tried to put myself in his shoes, but I would think and act in a different way like I really did before; PRAY for my ENEMY. Then will the victory come to me.
But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. - Luke 6: 27-36
 There are many common reasons for suicide. Some of the reasons are:
  • Terribly humiliated.
  • Finally lost after being unbeaten/in high position
  • "Escaping" from things that is thought as inescapable. e.g: escaping from ah long.
  • Fail to grant everybody's wish or fail to achieve everybody's expectation
  • Feeling that everything (not a single thing is left) does not go his/her way
  • Nobody cares/ giving attention
  • Mixed problem (like the deceased had). e.g: Family problem+academic problem+too many things to be setteled+being dumped+betrayed+nobody cares+humiliated+life is not fair+...= I AM USELESS

Live your life, do not afraid to fail if you tried, go forward but do not repeat the mistakes you did, be creative (seek for alternatives to get out of your problem), try to find happiness, talk to somebody about something that irritates you even if you think it is silly,do forgive, be grateful, don't wish for a lighter burden instead wish for a stronger you, wish to everybody like you wish to yourself, don't force yourself beyond the limit, stay loose and get a life! Remember that there's still a chance for you because there's a spark in you. You just gotta ignite the light...


Just Call Me V said...

yup..sedih kmk baca blog nya..sapa la org molah nya sampe kedak ya nya depress. for you..i;m also skinny..sometimes..i do feel very down people keep complaining my not so perfect figure. it's make me low self confident..but we are lucky having loving family..and loyal long as they/he love what/how we are...should be ok always think..i;m so lucky to be so thin where i can eat what i want without any fearful to be fat... rather than for those who really obsess with beauty and trying so hard to control what they eat..such a very painful right?

MarlyMarble said...

Yes! Hehehe...sama duhal kita owh...
Yea, jelous bah orang dgn kita. I am very grateful now.

Christine Dior said...

Hello dear. There's no need to be shaken by people calling you skinny. Treat it as a blessing! It is better than being otherwise. I feel sad for the guy said in your blog. Perhaps he just did not have anything to live for in his life anymore. "The greatest tragedy is not death but a life without a purpose." And he is a good example of that.

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