20 Interesting Facts About Me

1. I am a slow eater.
2. I love listening to retro songs. Sometimes I feel like I belong to the 60s-70s.
3. I often laugh with tears. I find it hard to stop once I laugh.
4. I really love cats.
5. When I was a schoolgirl, I had frequently changed my ambition --> teacher, fashion designer, architect, engineer, lecturer, rockstar, interior designer, makeup artist, doctor, businesswoman, and photographer.
6. My fears are worms, maggots and motorcycle exhaust.
7. I can read upside down words.
8. I never go clubbing.
9. I am pretty leery of other girls. When I was in school, girls teased me for being small, slow and nerdy + dumb looking. I also hate the drama that so many girls bring. I like to work and mingle with the guys; guys are fun and less fussy. Guys don’t jealous of me.  I think they like my sense of humour.
10. I am like any other girls who like fashion, makeup, flowers, and jewelries.
11. I joined the National Service (second season) in 2007 at Setia Ikhlas Camp, Semenyih, Selangor.
12. Some of my friends said I look like Katy Perry.
13. I enjoy admiring good-looking guy (non-sexually), no matter he is married, or an old man, or a priest, or a gay, or my close friend. I had found some men misunderstood me as flirting. Therefore I am learning to control this.
14. I love watching sunrise and sunset by the beach.
15. I can do basic Melbourne shuffle dance.
16. I like to sing, especially when nobody is around.
17. My all time celebrity crush is George Clooney.
18. I don’t play sports. But I do work out regularly.
19. I don’t really like to eat durians.
20. English is my third language.

Mr. Right

Apparently, this is my first post in 2012. It is 2-day past Valentine's Day and I would like to wish you all Happy Belated Valentine's Day.

I have been mentioning Mr. Right or any words related to it in my previous posts and in this post. You all can say that I am obsessed. I am not obsessed in having boyfriend or get married but I am obsessed in looking forward to have the perfect guy for me. This means that I am not desperate to have a boyfriend that I am willing to settle for any guys. Time does not matter so much. Therefore, I do not mind waiting.

First of all, the perfect guy for me must not be a perfect man (of course, nobody’s perfect). Even though he’s imperfect, he cannot be anyone.

Moral Values

What the most important to me is his personality. When looking through his personality, firstly, I have to see if there are some values that I really need my man to have. (Ok, sounds like in a Moral Education class back in school).

1. Responsibility. It is the second most important thing after love in a relationship. This means that, if he loves me, he know all his responsibilities towards me. With this value, he will not escape when I need him, and attend to me with knowing what to do. He will know that he must be punctual in dates or any important meet ups. He will also work hard on all his responsibilities. Therefore, when he is working hard, he develops another quality I like, which is hard-working.  He must also be responsible towards his own family, his friends, his work, his devotion, himself and everything lah…(cut the lah please). Also, if he has this value, he surely comes with another important value which is…

2. honesty. If he is responsible, he will not cheat nor lie. He will not cheat in relationship, or in study, or in work, or to his family and friends. And I’ve had done enough with big lies before. Remember, my past is still scarring me. Do not lie to me even if the truth hurts.

3. Independent. He must not always depend on me and any other person. It’s ok for a man to cry, but I do not accept a guy who makes puppy eyes when he does not even try to solve his problem on his own first. He must also be prepared and allow me to depend much on him (just kidding… I am actually a pretty independent lady).

4. Humble. A down-to-earth guy turns me up. The humility must not be made up, it must be natural, comes from deep down his heart.

5. Polite. I don’t like a guy who likes to say swear words. He must have good manner especially towards the elderly. He must be able to watch his words when talking to people. He must also respect women.

6. Kind. A selfish guy is a major turn-down to me.

Other must-have qualities & characteristics

1. Faithful. Nobody wants an unfaithful life partner. It is ok for me if my man stares at an attractive woman at a glance, or several glances. I do not mind also if my man compliments other woman, as long as he loves me and being faithful. And I will do my part my very best.

2. Wise. A wise man is a rational man. Wise to me is to have excellent judgment and have good conscience.

3. Non-smoker. A non-smoker guy is not necessarily a nerd. I cannot stand to cigarette smoke and I do not want to get used to it. Smoking is not only an unhealthy habit, it is also money wasting.

4. Non-alcoholic. Too much alcohol also waste money and make a guy wasted.

5. Have good sense of fashion. My Mr. Right must be able to dress well and simple. He must also know about women’s fashion.

6. Have a good sense of humour. I really love to laugh. I am prone to stress.

7. Loves to work out for fitness care.

8. Able to adapt to different culture - especially, to Bidayuh kampong lifestyle. Dare to bilanggi rambun?

9. Accepts me just the way I am. I know I have many flaws.

10. Taller than me. I am really short and small (less than 155cm). A guy that is shorter than me would look extremely weird if he’s standing and walking with me.

11. Nice-looking.

12. Not a nerd. If you are not sure you are a nerd or not, try to ask your colleague.

13. Loves animals especially cats and dogs so that we can have pets together.


It is not really important for the guy to have all the exact tastes as mine as long as we are compatible to each other. It will be a bonus if the guy has mostly the same tastes with me. I do not like it when a guy trying to impress me by pretending to like everything I like. However, my Mr. Right should be

1. Having the same faith as mine. I am a Catholic. I do not discriminate people by their religion. But I would like my Mr. Right to be a Catholic for some reasons including congeniality. 

My Mr. Right must not be

1. Attracted to my sister. People say we look alike in many ways. But she is much different than me. I always think that she is better than me in some ways, but do not get me wrong, I never jealous of her. If you like me, you must have to see my sister first and make up your mind carefully and do proper decision before confessing your feelings to me.

2. A musician. I love music. I also love guy who can sing especially with husky voice. What more if he can play guitar or piano or any other musical instruments. But I do not accept a musician (career) because musicians always put music first in his life. If you have that talents and you are not a musician, you really have the bonus!

3. Inferior of me. I am an educated woman. I may look dumb with a slumber + blur face. But I am like many women who always think they are right. I also have many talents and I learn pretty fast despite my slow motion. However, my Mr. Right should not fear of me and at the same time should not try to make me a fool; he should just admit my abilities. I never want to control and rule my man, but I want to be led by him. Therefore, a more knowledgeable (smarter-than-me) guy may have the advantage here.

4. A criminal. (Duh…)

5. Sex maniac or obsessed with boobs or obsessed with butts.

6. Homosexual or bisexual. (also duh…)

7. Too talkative.

8. Afraid of maggots, worms and cockroaches. I am too afraid of maggots and worms. So, if these 2 things are freaking me in my house, my man can remove them.


1. Having significant talent(s).
2. Really good looking/handsome.
3. Have Bachelor of med (doctors are smart :P) or master degree or PhD.

So, for the guys… if you sure you have all of the characteristics I want and you have the desire to know me, you do not have to send your resume to me. Just find me somewhere you can. (berusahalah &… lu pikir lah sendiri) Ha…ha…

Cup Size Matters in Love?

It has been a long time and here I come again!

I have been busy sitting at home, even though it is really boring, but I had gone through some interesting personal experiences.  I got to know some guys from the net, and met one of them in person when I was in Kuching to attend my Convocation Day. 

But there is one thing which I thought quite saddening lately. It is something that I have been realizing for ages already, but it bothers me more these few days. It is about the acceptance on women's physical appearance, especially one that influence sexual attraction of a woman- the cup and butt size. 

Does breast size really matter? Most flat-chested women spend their lives worrying that their breasts are too small, which explains why women opt for breast augmentation. People say that the impression that guys love big boobs are merely driven by the media. But now, I see for myself, through guys I have known, most of them really sought and drool over big boobs. One of my male friend,  posted something like "there are more profound reasons of why guys love big boobs" on his wall recently. To me, loving large boobs doesn't need further explanation because large boobs are simply pleasing and heart pumping. Then, I commented there, "how about the small boobs?" He replied me, "you have to work for it". I am a flat-chested woman and I am not getting any fake boob job! 

The Chesty Christina Hendricks 

I can see that a curvy/chubby women are more accepted than thin flat women, because they have that thing, just that theirs are quite "excessive". Now, I honestly say that I was actually rejected from going into further relationship because I have flat body, as flat as a board. I was dismayed of how shallow minded the guy is, but I think a guy deserves to pick a woman he desires. He is not perfect though, not even good-looking enough, yet he is still searching for a perfect looking woman. So I moved on and told myself not to impress a guy who cannot accept me for who I am, he is totally not for me. 

The flat-chested Kate Hudson

Some questions still linger in my mind now; does a thin and flat chested women not deserve to be loved? Are flat women not female enough? Is the cup size a measurement of women potential to be a good wife and mother? If the answers are yes, why do women exist in different shapes and sizes? 


A Mere Update

Ahem... It has been a while, again. I am still career-less yet.
Apparently, I have managed to recover holistically but not completely. I have been teaching as a private tutor since last couple of months. I teach primary school students, and most of them are going to sit for UPSR. I teach Mathematics, Science, and English (upon a request). This week is the UPSR sprint week (haha, I translate this from 'pecutan UPSR') and I can feel again the tense of making exam preparation.

In the middle of July, as I was sitting at home as if I was mourning for something, a blogger pal of mine, the Globalized Dayung invited me to meet up. She went to Miri for research sampling. I was very surprised and excited because I had never expect to meet a blogger friend as soon as that. Globalized Dayung is also my super senior in my university, and we had the same supervisor for our Final Year Project.

We met up in the city in the evening and had dinner together. We had a long conversation, she told me about her intriguing story of befriending and meeting an illegible bachelor who is also my relative. I told her about my breakup story, then she motivated me to be strong and move on. We chatted until late at night. We went out again on Sunday before she went back to Kuching, to the beach for a walk. In the evening, we had dinner in my house together with my family. I felt like regaining a part of my family, as in the old Malay saying,"patah hilang tumbuh berganti".

In the end of July, I attended a dinner reception organized by my former secondary school. It was awesome because I got the privilege to meet my former teachers and fellow former schoolmates. My friends have changed a lot, but they said I have not changed much. During the dinner, we took pictures together like there was no tomorrow.

Last month was pretty merry to me, I went 'Raya' (Eid) visiting with my former schoolmates. It was like our second reunion for this year after the dinner. I could not feel the essence of Merdeka Day, probably because we were very occupied by the festival but I embrace how we mingled as one nation. Now, September has arrived. Today is my mother's birthday. May this birthday offer her as much joy as she give to all of us in my family.

Pictures courtesy of my friend, Jerry.

p/s: I will never give up.

My Journey to the Real World

I apologize for not writing since last month. I have been busy slacking at home and searching for employment opportunity online. I had just completed my degree last May and will be attending convocation day this coming October.

My days after Gawai are quite challenging. I was infected by a kind of virus a week after Gawai. It caused me to vomit, having diarrhea, fever, loss of appetite and also loss weight. I had been suffering for more than a week. I was not the only one, my cousins and my sister were also infected. We all had the same symptoms. I had my stool and blood tested but no microorganism was detected, so I suspect it must be a virus infection. My sister had her tests a week after that, and she got the same result.

I followed my parents to Miri on 12th June. I thought they were trying to separate me from Mikey. But their reasons were more relevant. They said they can help me to find job. They also want me to help my brother in his studies prior to UPSR. After recovered from the infection, my gastritis became worse for two weeks. I think, it is due to the loss of appetite which caused me to eat less than usual during the infection.

In early July, I saw the announcement and information about convocation day in the university website. There was a list of graduates, and I happened to look at it. I was so happy knowing most of my friends are able to make to the graduation. One main thing in my mind was: searching for Mikey's name. I kept on scrolling down and down until I reached the Plant Science part, but I could not find his name. I could feel my gut was telling me something is wrong, but I kept denying. I kept on scrolling down to the unrelated programmes, where of course his name should not be there. Then, I tried to go up the page again, and scrolled down. I did it twice more.

I texted Mikey to ask why is his name not in the list. He gave me a devastating answer. I was acting like, kayu gaharu, kayu cendana, sudah tahu masih bertanya. "That's impossible! I think they missed out my name!" I hoped what he said was true, in a denying-the-truth way. I argued with him after that, forcing him to tell the truth. No wonder all this while, I did not feel calm enough whenever I was with him. I could feel he was hiding a big thing from me, but I denied because I wanted to avoid myself from being suspicious for nothing, for I know I am highly pessimistic. He told me everything was okay and he even told me that his study was improving. He was very convincing. The truth is; he failed twice before (in his second year and third year of study) but never tell me until I accidentally found out (I can still sabar), and now he made the bigger lie. He was not only lying to me, but also to his family and friends.

My argument with Mikey lasts about a couple of weeks. He did not want to let me go. It was a very sad situation. I was dating him for 5 years already. He seemed alright, but I could not say he was perfect because I was always giving (romance, accompany him, drive him to the town, lend him money, gave him motivations). He only gave me the romance and the feeling of being appreciated, accepted and beautiful; that made me feel like I was the only girl in this world. I did not realize the second most important quality that I should have search for after loving - RESPONSIBILITY. I should have also remember that the earth is not a paradise.

It is over between me and Mikey now. It was a hard thing to be accepted by both of us. My parents were also disappointed. My Dad was considering to unite us before we knew this would happen, but now he almost cannot forgive him. My Mum who was never agree with our relationship said that a part of our family has gone. I was depressed and again, losing appetite. I kept on losing weight and feel like a zombie. I guess, my immunity was down, I had  ulcers in my mouth and on my tongue. I could not eat properly. After that, I had developed an allergy. I did not know what had triggered it. Smiling had become a difficult thing to do. I changed from Mr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde that time.

Finding my Mr. Right now seems almost impossible to me. I pray for him every night, wishing to God to lead him to the right path. I left him not because I do not want to forgive him, but I want him to change, forget the past, learn to be independent, learn how to work hard and renew his own life. Now, I want to focus on building my career. It is funny that I am actually nervous and always worried of my size. I hope people will not judge me by my look.

I am writing this not to defame him, but to share my experience. I will be writing the next part of my journey.

Gawai 2011 in Kg Pichin

My family was celebrating Gawai in Kampung Pichin this year, as we always had. I would hope for better Gawai celebration each year. The major thing that makes me talk about this year's Gawai for years to come is the Tun Abdul Razak Long House Homestay, where the Gawai ceremony and concerts were held. This was the first time the new long house became the venue of the festival in the village.

T.A.R. Long House
The T.A.R. Long House design comprises the traditional elements and simple modern parts and facilities. It is built in the centre of the village. The location is very picturesque, with the Kidadum Mount which can be seen behind the building, green forest surrounding the area and a river in front.

Gawai celebration started on the 31st May (Gawai Eve). The villagers gathered at the long house that night and had karaoke singing and party. The next morning, we attended the Gawai prayers at the temporary church. After the prayer, many villagers when to the open houses of the Tebedu assemblyman's, Datuk Michael Manyin and the Deputy Foreign Minister, Datuk Richard Riot. That day, most of the villagers were visiting friends and relatives, and also open their houses for visiting. The visiting continued untill the 3rd of June. No concert was held on the evening of 1st June.

Opening of Gawai Ceremony
Langgi dance performed by the Bidayuh ladies

On the evening of 2nd June, a gawai ceremony and concert was held at the T.A.R. Long House. The ceremony was officially opened by Datuk Michael Manyin and blessed by Rev. Fr. Paul Henry. After the opening speech and padi blessing, the concert was played by the Mixed Melody band. The concert lasted untill about 5 am. 3rd of June was the Sports Day (Hari Sukaneka). Six zones of Kg Pichin were competing in the games. The champion of the game was the Binyok Zone, which is our zone. The prize giving ceremony for the Sports Day and Gawai concert was held the evening of 3rd June. The concert was ended at 6 am. The festival was very merry, however, to me, the are still many more rooms for improvement in the management. No Kumang and Keling contest were organized this year, =(  . 


"Why you never entered Kumang contest?"

What is Kumang contest? It is a beauty pageant for Dayak women, which usually held prior to or during Gawai festival. Gawai festival is celebration of the end of harvesting season for Dayak, which marks the new year in the Dayak (paddy) calendar. 

I was watching football match with my girlfriends in my parents' hometown last year, when a friend asked why I never joined Kumang contest. I wondered, why did she think that I am fit to enter such competition, or was she merely asking? I did not enter because I thought that I am too short, was too skinny and I do not know how to cat-walking. I should have asked her why she did not then, instead, because she is pretty, tall and intelligent. Now she is a married woman with a daughter. We call her 'hot mama'. She is the one I wrote about in October Bidayuh lady of the Month 2010.  I have another friend, Felicia, (whom I featured in my BFF contest post) who wanted to join Kumang last two years. But she cancelled her plan because she was not ready with the costumes. She was also expecting, but not obvious at that time. She is very pretty and  married, with a daughter. But she is very petite. We call her 'little mama'. My sister also wanted to participate in Kumang contest in our kampong last year, but unfortunately, there were some new rules: a girl who does not reside currently in kampong and of mixed parentage is not eligible to join. My sister would violate both of the rules if she joined. However, I do not think any violation would actually happen if she joined. We are still Dayak! 

Kumang Gawai Kg Pichin Under 18, 2008.

Kumang Gawai Kg Pichin Above 18, 2008.

Kumang Gawai Kg Pichin 2009.
Kumang Gawai Kg Pichin 2010.

Asih-asih nyanda, dayung Bidayuh kai paguh?

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